Life takes turns, jus when u feel u r all ok, settled & happy. An era has ended in our life… one chapter closes while the other begins. The new chapter is living without u – DAD. This is a personal blog that i have written and dedicated to my father, my dad, my strongest pillar, my support system, who is far away from my reach now.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory, no one can steal. We miss you DAD
My sister, my brother and I are 3 kids to our parents. Simple middle class living, basics were met.
I lost my father LANCY MAXIM PINTO today 19 Nov 2020, due to heart attack. He was sick over the last few months… all started with him being diabetic… which ended up with the amputation of his leg in Feb 2020. But then he was a strong man and a man who had a strong will power n desire to live. He survived the worst n lived the best.
Not that he has left any big financials or properties to us, but that support system that he had built looks collapsed.
Our Childhood was not that fancy, it did not include any travels, holidays, restaurant dinners etc… we lived a life of commoner. But he gave us whatever he could within his limits. He wanted to do a lot to his family and himself, but with no education and no backup and with limited support, which turned to be his weakness… he still got success in whatever he did or attempted, be it in business or the jobs that he did. Not prolonged for long as he got carried away with success, unable to manage the life he dreamt, so mostly everything fell apart… n all the pains and the losses were borne by his family.
How was his life?
If u ask me i would say it’s a roller coaster ride, but I am sure he enjoyed it every bit. He did what he liked! He was positive in everything, never worried of tomorrow. Live for today, without thinking much of tomorrow. Take life as it comes. At the same time, he had one main fear of DEATH. Yes, he feared dying. But he wanted to prepare for it as well, in terms he made his own arrangements, like booking coffin, getting his own photo-frame etc. I know this sounds weird, but that’s how he was.
Now that he has gone, there is so much sorrow within, but he never wanted us to be sad when he is gone, he wanted us to celebrate him. Enjoy life, not to keep grieving. We will do our best.
What did i learn from him?
- Being strong at all times – No matter what the situation keep facing it.
- Achieving basics – He always wanted us to have our own house, he felt having a own house is a way of security, which we agree with it.
- Eat good food – yes, you have one life, eat all that you want, coz you have to die one day.
- Charity – when you have; share it. More for him meant, more than the plate of food that you have, or little extra money after your basics are met. He did a lot of charity in the form of donations, or helping needy.
- Don’t let anyone take advantage of you – People take you for granted, know your strengths.
- Punctuality – He was always ahead of time. This was a thumb rule that i saw since childhood and which was followed by men in the family.
- Talking skills – he had an amazing but weird talking skills. He could sell you anything and you would buy it. I really wanted to learn this amazing skill. But at the same time he had harsh speech that could kill anyone.
- Pets – the best thing about my dad was, if he loved anything in the world then it must be his pets, especially dogs. He could cry for them… we almost had 6 – 7 dogs at a time…
Not that he was all good, he had too many other challenging behaviors as well.
- Money – this was his weakness… he thought money was everything. Could buy anyone and anything.
- Friendship – he fell in trouble mostly because of the choice of friends he made, as he did not know to set his limits.
- Chain Smoker – this was one habit that he couldn’t give up until his last breath, though he was also an alocholic, he could give up whenever he decided. But smoking was his real enemy.
- Luxuries – buying stuff, wanting to live a royal life, is not wrong, but knowing to maintain them takes a lot, which he never knew.
- Religiously poor – He never believed in praying since many years, but still did charity. I don’t think he ever visited church since many years, if not for family functions (be it for my sisters wedding or my brothers communion)
Having said all this, he was a good father, very protective, and always wanting the best for us. He has been proud of us since long. We did have our share of fights, arguments, misunderstandings.. But it was all for better. Our relationships grew stronger.
When we look back, we feel proud of ourselves, the way we have grown, from building a life for us and taking care of them, being there for them whenever they needed.
My father, was so proud of me when i started working in Dubai, initially he was hesitant to send me, but then he agreed. Similarly, my marriage was not easy affair for him to accept, but it took many years for him to accept. He realized, he had got very good son-in-laws (me n my sister’s husband).
His wish list could be unending, but two most regular wished, which we really have to work on
- Taking care of our mother, in terms of being there, checking on her well-being and making sure no one cheats or hurts her.
- His son, my brother, settling himself, getting a job and starting his life.
We will miss his presence for the rest of the life, but he will be alive in our memories till we die. We will work on his Wishlist and do our best that we can.
My father had a peaceful death, and he did not suffer. We his two daughters could not make it due to COVID-19 travel concerns, but managed to see his last rites live, thanks to the modern technology in terms of various platforms, good network options.
What will i miss the most:
- His calls to me which he used to give every alternate days, it could be for anything, from gossip to complaints or about anything.
- His birthday wishes to me – He always wanted to be the first one to wish me first on my birthday, he would never miss it for anything. He would be rather excited since first week of October.
- My airport pick-ups & Drop-offs – he would get excited if he knew i was coming. be it any time midnight or in his busy schedule, he would make himself available.
- his convincing ability – he thought that i got convinced with his plans, be it renovating the house, or spending on something he wanted. Even after knowing, it was not a necessity, i always loved to do it for him, as i always wanted to see him HAPPY.
If you still have your parents, do love them, take care of them. I know they can be difficult, adamant at times, but patience and ignoring those little behaviors and loving them unconditionally can just give you happiness.
Be loving and kind to your parents, coz they are your blessings.
Would love your comments or some kind words to my Dad. Keep us in your prayers.
Laveena Pinto / Lydia Pinto & Loy Pinto
Edited: Here is a one more tribute to all those who would be gracing his 7th day memorial.
we created it with love – dad miss u (downloadable document in PDF)